Hi Strategist! I LOVE the power of words and how you can line them up “in just the right way” to get better and stronger results. SO….Here’s a tip I know we ALL could use!
This first one is all about The Power of Communication and why it’s so important to speak assertively. When I present training seminars on this topic, I call it “Your Communication Jukebox” and you’ll know why after reading this!
Six Savvy and Successful Ways to Say NO (Without Sounding Passive or Aggressive!)
Whenever I do a Communication Seminar, my audience is full of people with different needs.
Some are there because they consider themselves to be assertive but their friends, co-workers and family would label them aggressive. A small group is there because they hate telling other’s what they want or think. They learn in class that no one owns a crystal ball and so they need to develop the skills to speak up assertively and state their needs. And then the majority is there because they just can’t say no to anyone. They get taken advantage of personally as well as professionally. They feel saying no means that they are rejecting someone and they hate rejection themselves. They believe in being a “good team member” and they mistakenly believe saying “yes” is required if they want to hold on to that label. Each person in this group needs help in saying no – assertively…not aggressively or passively. So using the word “no” can actually help in advancing your career and getting you noticed as someone who is decisive and values their time.
This tool is also imperative for life balance. Is that a problem in the great U S of A? You betcha! Today’s American worker is working 30 days more a year than just three years ago. We are asked to do more and more with fewer resources. Many of us are using our vacations to get control of the work load at home – painting, repairs, remodeling. If you can learn to say “no” more assertively and make better choices with your time – you will actually have more time to get done what YOU want to get done.
You see you are a Communication Jukebox. There are over 700,000 words to choose from in the dictionary, and year after year we tend to pick the same words, line them up the same way, and wonder why we get the same results. And some people really know how to push our buttons! We might play an assertive record with someone but an aggressive one when THAT button is pushed. Just like a jukebox carries country western music, rock and roll, R&B, classical, pop….our records are assertive, passive, aggressive and passive-aggressive. Here you’ll learn how to use the assertive record best when saying NO! Why is THAT important?
One of the problems with getting our lives into balance is that we are doing for everyone else in our life that there is no time left over for ourselves. Exercise program? Out of the question if you’re that Little League parent that shows up for every game and practice, and the Sunday School teacher that never misses a class, and that babysitter on weeknights for your friends or family. Somewhere along life’s path you must learn to say “NO” to others so that you can say “YES” to yourself.
Some passive communicators use an old tool called “white lies”. As our parents taught us – one lie leads to another. And then it becomes even more work to remember which lie you have told to whom to be able to keep all those stories straight. Avoidance is a tool never used by an expert communicator. So forget your white lies. With confidence and an even tone of voice, you can assertively make yourself clear and be heard. In fact, some people have been pushing and pushing you for years…just waiting for you to say that two letter word…NO. So let’s get you started.
The first issue…volunteerism. I believe we are not put on this earth to take, take, take. We need to give back. Volunteerism is great! And you can be a good citizen WITHOUT giving all your time away.
Remember, that old saying…you either have all the money in the world and no time to do anything with it or all the time in the world and no money to do anything with it? Remember that and it will be easier to say “no”. If your life is out of balance then it’s the time that you desperately need to add to your life. How do you do that? Here are some real life examples and responses to allow you to be savvy and successful with the word “no”.
- Weekend Event Participation. The next time you’re asked to volunteer your Saturday for a charity event, here’s your reply.
“Thank you for thinking of me. No, I can’t give you that time to sell hotdogs at the game. I DO however want to support the league so let me cut you a check for $ ____ and where would I need to send that?” or
“No I’m not available. What a great opportunity for my children to donate to the community. What time should I send Craig?” or
“No, and that sounds like a great way to raise funds. I was thinking about donating some of our old toys and clothes to the upcoming big garage sale. When and where should I deliver those?”
Next we’ll deal with those pesty solicitors that call even though we are on the do not call list!